Often when I counsel folk I might ask … who have you got an irritation with? Sometimes they know but quite often they have no feelings at all against people.
How can you have –ve feelings against people and not even know it?
Here are my thoughts …
Firstly let’s look at “Love”
The modern definition of love = being nice to people, caring for people, and not hurting people.
But, is this the true definition of love and why have we developed this definition to the point that’s it’s accepted universally?
The commandments of men
If this is the definition you use for love then you will automatically live in the commandments …
…”Thou shalt be nice to me because I’m nice to you”; or
…”If I help you then you must help me”; or
…”If I say sorry you must forgive me”.
In other words, ‘if you’re not nice to me, then you’re wrong and I don’t have to be nice to you’.
This will be the core of your thinking and defence against someone’s un-niceness towards you, and if you are going to be nice you can’t let yourself believe that you have un-nice feelings towards people, so you sub-consciously learn to not expose the feelings.
This definition of love sounds right but it’s a trick … it’s manipulated by the commandments of men (Matthew 15:8,9), not the commandments of God.
God’s definition of love = keep my commandments 1John 2:3-5, 1 John 5:3, 2 John 6
Sin is the breaking of the law (1 John 3:4), and the expression of love towards God is the keeping of the law. The law is not dead as the modern church teaches. You’ll see the truth in Matthew 5:17-19 [check the old versions of the bible, not the man-manipulated modern ones, and check the link to the ten spiritual laws].
You don’t keep the law out of legalistic bondage; you keep them because you love God. So if you don’t keep them as God Himself instructs, you show that you love yourself, not God, and the modern church has taken the con of false love because it suits its agenda of Laodicean worldliness and its comforts.
God’s Tenth Commandment is “thou shalt not covet”. In other words, you must not wish your position better than your neighbour’s; you must not envy your neighbour’s good fortune or anything that is your neighbour’s.
All the commandments can be summarised into God 1st and treat your neighbour as you would like him to treat you. It doesn’t say that your neighbour is to treat you the way you would like to be treated.
The Ten Commandments are the commandments of life (Matthew 19:17). The modern commandment sounds right but it’s the commandment of death.
It’s easy to use niceness to camouflage your real inner heart
Underneath the modern definition of love is the hidden agenda of self-preservation and self-elevation … I’ll be nice so you will like me and be nice back.
You can check that’s the real agenda by being un-nice to someone and see what happens.
This man-made definition of love is the easy way because it obligates people to have to like me and it promotes me within my people-group. The fact is, it’s easy because it comes automatically; it’s built in to our souls … we’re born thinking about what’s best for ourselves, but we have to look like we are thinking what’s best for others.
The question that will expose the real you
A better question to expose what’s really happening deep in your heart between you and your neighbour is … who’s getting the better deal?
Envy knows who’s getting a better deal and pride promotes that it has the better deal, and the inbuilt human nature hates being the one who misses out on the deal, and the inbuilt human nature wants to show-off that it has the best deal over everyone else.
In Genesis 3, Satan tricked Eve into thinking God was withholding a better deal from them. Once you too listen to the same voice you too will be manipulated by the spirit of Satan and totally unaware of the deception you have fallen into. All you’ll be able to see is the unfairness of the deal that they got instead of you. That’s what happened in Luke 15 when the prodigal’s brother objected to the prodigal getting the deal.
It also happened in Joseph’s family dynamics; in Jesus’ family dynamics; in David’s family dynamics, and in the disciples dynamics and it’s happening right now in your own family’s dynamics.
In 1st Samuel we read the story of the oppression of Hannah by Peninnah.
When I ask people who had the better deal, some say Peninnah and some say Hannah. They choose Hannah because she was more loved and they choose Penninah because she had children.
You can’t warm to envy; it repels
From Peninnah’s perspective, Hannah had the deal with her husband and therefore she hated Hannah and tormented her. Peninnah is the one who is envious, not Hannah. Hannah’s hurting from the abuse, she’s not envious; she’s just desperate to be valued by God and her husband. Barrenness was seen as a curse from God. Hannah struggled with the mocking abuse but turned to the Lord, stopped her resistant mood and waited for God’s plan.
If you’re into deals , you’re into envy
If you’re into deals you’ll see it from your deal perspective, you’ll miss the envy and expose that you run on the commandment of niceness, and not God’s commandments. You’ll expose that the foundation of your life is envy, and not the love of God.
A genuine Christian is not into deals; they’re not into prosperity blessing; they’re not into telling God what and how He must do it for them; they’re into the will of God for God not for themselves, no matter what the deal; so they have no concerns if someone gets a better deal. In fact, they’ll probably rejoice.
If you’re into nice, then you’ll resist anyone that isn’t nice to you because it’s not fair, and right there you’ll come under the power of Satan’s spirit, and bitterness will flow in your heart no matter how nice you appear on the outside.
The story of Hannah isn’t about deals it’s about who will trust God whether they have the deal or not
Love for God isn’t based on deals; it’s based on trusting Him no matter what the deal and it’s expressed by choosing to live by His commandments and choosing to not covet the deal your neighbour has.
The fact is … envy of your neighbour proves you are not nice
No human being can escape this con until they seriously decide to switch commandments and be thankful that someone else got the deal instead of you, by trusting God’s higher plan.
In fact, until you do that you block salvation for yourself. Do you really think you can be saved by being nice when it’s built on a foundation of envy that someone else is liked more than you, or got a better deal than you?
The truth is that if you envy the deal that your neighbour has got you are being selfish, unkind and hurtful to your neighbour and contravening your own commandment of niceness. If you covet what your neighbour has, are you loving? And if you are proud that you have what your neighbour hasn’t, are you loving?
If you built your niceness on this foundation of envy you are building your life on sinking sand.
Because of the modern definition of love, homosexuals are promoting the validity of their sexual perversion because they are loving each other and not hurting anyone. The modern definition of love, condoned and promoted by the church, is propagating the fair justice for homosexuals to enjoy the same recognition as heterosexuals. Can’t you see that once you whittle away the value and position of God’s commandments you open up Pandora’s box and give licence for your community to devalue and mock the laws of Almighty God? If you can’t see that then know, like Eve, you are under the spell of Satan’s commandment of unfairness and niceness.
The spirit in us lusts to envy
In James 4:5 the Word of God declares that the spirit in us lusts to envy. If you’re waiting for God to come and fix it so you don’t do it then you are under the influence of the commandments of Satan, and telling God what His job is and justifying your position with your niceness. You are the one who’s responsible to keep God’s commandments; God will never make you do it, though He helps you keep them when you choose His commandments and give up the deal. You can’t make envy your foundation and say you are willing to keep His commandments; it’s a contradiction.
Thou shalt not …
Most Christians are complacent about respecting the Ten Commandments. You can see that by the way the church disrespects God’s Sabbath by merchandising with the world. They defend themselves by saying they try not to covet but they can’t stop it, and thus deduce that because they want to stop doing it but can’t that God will step in at some time and resolve it for them. In other words, they shift the responsibility onto God.
It sounds ok, but from an envy heart it’s actually telling God what He’s job is. It’s really blaming God that He hasn’t given them the willpower. The truth is, this Christian is a fake. In their heart they don’t really want to give up the benefits of the world; they prefer the value of man’s opinion of them than God’s.
The bible doesn’t say … don’t worry about keeping the commandments, God will sort it out for you. It says … you are the one who is responsible to keep them and if you don’t then you are responsible for the consequences.
Different measuring systems
In the modern church and the modern world, everyone measures love from the perspective of your niceness towards them; that’s why we try with our might to be nice and why we automatically judge people for not being nice to us. But God measures it from His Ten Commandments. They are different measuring systems and whilst you keep attached to the world’s you won’t see it.
Religion for the better deal
Most people are into religion for a better deal on earth and for the deal after earth. These people will never find Jesus. Jesus offers life through death to self, not deals. A genuine Christian serves Jesus with appreciation and gratitude; he loves Him for what He did for him at Calvary. A genuine Christian is not into deals.
The secret is …
… give up the deal and let your neighbour have it, and commit yourself to God’s measuring system. This will make you unpopular with men.
That’s love, and that’s the commandment of life but few will do it, and most think they have done it because they’re nice.
Pastor Ken McFadden